March 25, 2011

"Wild Kingdom" meets "The Young and the Restless"

This morning, my breakfast preparations were interrupted by a flurry of activity and excitement in the front yard. When I stepped out on the porch to see what was going on, this was the scene I discovered - two guineas (Ranger and Guinea 1) were engaged in a full on battle, one guinea (Silver) was standing nearby, uninvolved but squawking loudly, and two guineas (Guineas 2 and 3) were at the other side of the yard, uninvolved and uninterested. It didn't take me long to figure out what pivotal event I was bearing witness to. Guineas mates for life, and Guineas 2 and 3 were obviously a happily partnered pair (male and female guineas look identical), the dramas of the dating world far behind them. Ranger and Guinea 1 were vigorously engaged in a competition for the affections of Silver, the last girl in the world as far as they knew (those of you familiar with the musical "Camelot" can now join me in singing "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood"*).


Ranger and Silver are the only two guineas I can tell apart from the group, hence the fact they got named. Silver is named for her beautiful silvery lavender plumage and is one of the babies hatched here last summer, now fully grown. Ranger has dark, almost black, feathers and was one of the original batch of guineas we acquired almost two years ago. We started out with 10 guineas, a nice even number, but predators reduced us to an odd numbered flock pretty early in the game. From the very beginning, Ranger has been the outcast of the group (he was named after the Lone Ranger of course) and mostly hangs out with the chickens.

But, spring has sprung and love is in the air. Maybe this was Ranger's moment to win himself a partner and a better position in the flock hierarchy. After all,
Guinea 1 was also one of last year's babies, not even a full year old. He should be an easy opponent to best, right? Sadly, not so. The battle being fought in the front yard consisted primarily of chest butting, feather grabbing, and high speed chases. Even my untrained eye could see that Ranger was not maintaining the upper hand. Guinea 1 was always the one in pursuit rather than the one being pursued, and Ranger was certainly losing the bulk of the feathers. However, Ranger was determined. Several times I thought the battle was over, with Ranger admitting defeat, but then, after a brief moment to catch his breath, he'd be the one to start it all up again. I was afraid that the skirmish would not end until someone was seriously injured, and I've always had a soft spot for Ranger, so I attempted to step in with some very authoritative lecturing and arm waving from up on the porch, but I was completely ignored. I guess I'd just have to trust nature to take its course.

At this point, the chickens (who are late sleepers) arrived on the scene. First Mopsy rounded the corner. She seemed a little dazed and confused, probably still waking up, and just stood there blinking and flinching whenever the action got a little too close for comfort. Just behind her was Thelma**, one of our two Buff Orpington hens. She took one look at the melee and jumped right in! I'm not sure if her goal was to join in on a good fight or maintain law and order, but her participation had the immediate effect of breaking up the argument.

My cream of wheat was threatening to boil over, so I had to take a quick break from the action to tend to breakfast. When I next looked out the window, Guinea 1 and Silver were standing side by side, preening, and Ranger was all by himself, off to the side of the yard, decidedly disheveled. Oh the woes of an odd numbered flock. Poor Ranger holds true to his name, and another man will be calling "Hi ho Silver, away!" (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)


The Lone Ranger

*Excerpted lyrics from the aforementioned song:
Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?
Where are all those adoring daring boys?
Where's the knight pining so for me
he leaps to death in woe for me?
Oh where are a maiden's simple joys?

Shan't I have the normal life a maiden should?
Shall I never be rescued in the wood?
Shall two knights never tilt for me
and let their blood be spilt for me?
Oh where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Shall I not be on a pedestal,
Worshipped and competed for?
Not be carried off, or better st'll,
Cause a little war?

**In all honesty, I can't verify that it was Thelma that broke up the fight. I can't actually distinguish between Thelma and Louise, the other buff orpington hen, but it does seem like something a Thelma would do, doesn't it?

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